Not the Annual General Meeting

Shock, scandal and horror - the AGM, that eagerly-awaited opportunity to tell t'committee exactly what we think of them, before voting them all back in again, has been postponed. With only days to go, with all bribes, backhanders and favours collected and counted, the chairman and his deputy call it off. Some unconvincing pretext is offered about urgent unforeseen appointments elsewhere, but the membership is not fooled. Running scared they are, of a crushing defeat by the electorate, and desperately in need of more time to rig the results back in their favour.

Whether this unimaginative ploy will succeed only time will tell. In the meantime, an emergency chairman has been appointed to carry the club through the precarious interregnum before the AGM Mark II is held at the end of May. The choice of Pebble (the deputy chairman's dog) was both unanimous and popular, on the basis that being non-human he is not only incorruptible but also impartial - he is prepared to love anyone who will feed and/or stroke him.