Unheard of activity at t'club last night. Just as members were settling down for a quiet snooze in front of the (unlit) fire, the Chairman summoned selected personnel to a high-level meeting, upstairs in the back room. There he revealed another element of his Master Plan. A new modelling front is to be opened, namely the re-birth of the Talisker Glen layout. Like the beverage that the model is named after, this layout has been maturing quietly in a darkened room until judged ready for release to an expectant public. The Chairman decreed that this moment has now arrived, and we are required to proceed to the next stage, which is to get our collective fingers out and actually build the thing.

So it was said, and so it will be done. New boards, a new track plan and a new(ish) team will hit the deck running, or at least jogging gently, from next week. Watch this space.

In an attempt to stem the fervent tide of modelling activity at the clubrooms, which was threatening to engulf all that stands before it, the chairman has decreed that for two nights a month members must down tools, bring some models, and just relax and watch them run round a layout.

He wishes. However the running nights will take place, on dates specified in the calendar, and we will encourage members to not only show off their hardware but also explain why they spent their hard-earned cash on particular models, and what tweaks they have made, or would make if they felt brave enough.

Last night saw the second of the current season of SMRS film nights. This time a select audience enjoyed Titfield Thunderbolt as the main feature, with video of a recent run by Duke of Gloucester around the west coast of the Lakes as the supporting film. The latter included shots of the deputy chairman wielding a shovel on the footplate, and looking for all the world as if he knew what to do with it.

As is traditional in cinemas, a considerable amount of snacking on popcorn, crisps and peanuts was undertaken, supplemented by ice creams sponsored by a member of the audience. Regrettably the latter items were dispensed not from a tray borne by a buxom young usherette but from a plain plastic bag wielded by a chairman fast approaching middle age, and not necessarily looking any the better for it. Real ale was also consumed in moderation.

The evening was enlivened by an introduction to the film by a member of sufficient vintage to have actually been present during some of the shooting, albeit as an interested passer-by rather than as a paid extra.

Like Christmas, the Woodvale model aircraft rally creeps up on the unwary and propagates a sudden burst of slightly panicky activity, as SMRS tries to decide (a) shall we attend this year? (b) why should we attend this year? (c) who's going? and (d) what layouts shall we take? All four questions were eventually answered in a more-or-less positive manner, and a select band of volunteers were awarded entry passes and lectured on the purpose of the visit, which was to advertise ourselves and the exhibition and not to enjoy it too much.



The mission statement was adhered to with reasonably accuracy and success, as the weather steadily improved during the weekend and the crowds flowed through the model railway tent. The deputy chairman's selection of a near-door position (to maximise the breeze potential) turned out to be a prescient one. Numerous exhibition leaflets were scooped up by the visitors, and both layouts behaved themselves. The fact that one was advertising the Corris railway as much as, or even slightly more than the SMRS-branded product, was either not noticed or politely ignored.

It's not often in the modelling world that three goes into one, but we witnessed such an event two nights ago courtesy of Southport Model Engineering Club. They invited us to a running night at their extensive track facility at Rotten Row, along with the Gauge 1 Society. Right next to where the Southport Flower Show is held, to name-drop just a little. So we had the benefit of two sizes of trains to admire, and in the case of the larger one, to ride on. Indeed one or two members were even seen piloting a battery-powered locomotive, which seemed to be taking hospitality a touch far.

The large coal-fired steam locos were the most impressive, not only for their appearance and performance but also for their weight and start-up time, which would have tested the patience, not to mention the sinews, of lesser mortals. Purpose-built trolleys were used to move said locos from the back of well-sprung estate cars to the elevated track, the trolleys no doubt serving a double purpose of stretchers for members overcome by the exertion.

An excellent evening organised by a friendly and skilled bunch of modellers. Plans are in hand to return the compliment at the SMRS clubhouse, although our garden railway may appear a mite weedy by comparison.

The chairman looked a little peaky last weekend, and well he might, after a marathon train ride from London to North Wales to the Lake District to the Scottish Highlands. Apparently it was interspersed with a stroll or two through the countryside in the balmy twilight of the summer solstice, some of it a little uphill by all accounts. And all for charity, so he promised to hand over our willing donations to a good cause, in due course of course.

The official title was the 2010 Three Peaks by Rail Challenge, to which Our Leader rose in triumph, to subside again rather quickly once it was all over. Snowdon, Scafell Pike and Ben Nevis, in that order, in case you were wondering.

Strange, it seems barely twelve months since the last AGM, and here it is again. Fairly routine business, apart from the minute's silence at the start of proceedings in memory of fellow member Colin James, who passed away suddenly last week, at an age which nowadays would be regarded as far too young. Colin, as was said at the meeting, was more in the background of the society rather than in the vanguard of developments, but had wide-ranging interests that included the railways of North Wales and the Rotary. The latter included not only District Governership but also involvement in a number of overseas charities. One measure of the man was an acknowledgement that we will have to be early at the funeral on Wednesday to get seats.

A little culture was enjoyed recently by several SMRS members, in the event more little than most of us expected. Apparently in 1897, before even SMRS was thought of, Lumiere Brothers filmed sections of the Liverpool Overhead Railway, from inside one of the carriages. Liverpool University have acquired copies of the footage, and one Dr Kodeck has analysed every inch of it with Teutonic thoroughness. At Crosby cinema a public presentation was given of the results, in the form of a lecture by the said doctor in cooperation with National Museums Liverpool.

His main interest apparently was using maps and clever software to link the moving images directly to the buildings and other structures along the line. Not the most exciting research one might think, but what might have turned out to be a rather dry presentation was enlivened by the presenter's obvious enthusiasm for the subject and his desire to preserve the archive for the good of his adopted city. The actual showing of the film was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it experience, the four clips lasting less than five minutes in total. Something to do with the amount of film that hand-cranked cameras of the period could carry, and no doubt the amount of cranking that could be undertaken before repetitive strain injury set in.

The finale was a repeat of one clip 'improved' to show how it might look from a vantage point inside the carriage, complete with images of wooden doors and windows and a dum-de-dum sound track. The Liverpool museum trying just a little too hard perhaps.

Everyone, apparently, certainly the SMRS needs all those it can get. So it was a pleasure to recognise one of our official friends at a recent trip on the Ffestiniog railway. John responded by selling us several copies of his new book, complete with autograph at no extra charge. 1500 have been printed, and have been widely advertised, so we expect John's house to be submerged in paperbacks for only the briefest of interludes.

Not many people know that Southport was the home of the Eagle comic and its best-known character Dan Dare. Most SMRS members didn't but we were reminded recently when the organiser of the Eagle Society's celebrations of 60 years of the magazine contacted us to ask if they could visit the clubrooms. Apparently the comic ran occasional articles on model railways, so there was a link, albeit tenuous. So as part of a three-day tour of the town's connections with the Eagle, a couple of dozen members of the Eagle Society (collective noun comedians?) had a tour of our premises, hosted by the deputy chairman in his well-practised role as club diplomat and chief ambassador. The Visiter local paper carried an article on the anniversary, and generously included a seven-word mention of SMRS's contribution. Better than a blast from the Mekon's ray gun, anyway.

The average age of SMRS members is slowly creeping up... Another member hits the 65 anniversary, with curry and cake to mark the fact.

Not airbrushing this time, but the local Transport Police are developing a model railway layout to use as a teaching aid on the perils of misusing the permanent way. They have asked us if we can help with any spare modelling items and some general technical input. As a more-or-less responsible member of the local community SMRS is happy to assist our neighbourhood enforcement colleagues, and not just because it might do us some good if we ever find ourselves on a Merseyrail train with no visible ticketing.

A small postscript from last Tuesday's visit, Railway Models 4U have kindly offered to revisit for a full day, the better to show us more airbrush and weathering techniques, in a more leisured environment perhaps. Dare we mention the clubhouse window frames badly need a touch-up?

A Tuesday Special tonight, in the form of Leslie and Doris from Railway Models 4U of Blackpool, demonstrating their airbrushing skills and the range of spraying equipment they sell. The size of the audience (about 20 members and visitors) necessitated two sittings, and the interest shown meant both overran their allotted time. Fortunately no overtime was charged, and even some sales were made, so everybody went home happy, eventually.

An unexpected email has arrived, from a researcher for Eggheads (a BBC TV quiz show). We are invited to send a team to an audition in Liverpool, presumably with the incentive to take part in the show. The Chairman seems quite keen, possibly because as a scouser he feels he has a point to prove. Personally I don't need to prove anything....

Sometimes, the excitement just overflows. Two events in barely a week, namely the informal soiree at the club just before Christmas, and the pretty-well-as-informal do hosted by Tony (and Pebble of course) just after. No photographic record exists of the former, but the food spread at the latter needed photographing almost as much as it needed eating. Donation of an older-than-average single malt by James just added to the atmosphere, as did the inevitable railway videos, of which there seems to be an inexhaustible supply nowadays.

SMRS knows how to party, it's just the details get a bit fuzzy as age increases. So a Christmas do was organised as a much-needed reminder. The chairman summoned up his legendary power to influence women and persuaded his nearest and dearest relatives to produce the meal, whilst the rest of us tried desperately to remember how enjoy to ourselves. To judge the extent to which we succeeded, examine the photographic evidence.

Peter bravely opened up his garage today for inspection by SMRS members, complete with multi-track HO European layout and many, many locomotives and items of rolling stock, some going back nearly forty years. Its unique features include a track section whose height above the ground is dictated not by what might be suitable for viewing but what will permit a Lotus sports car to fit underneath. An admirable combination.


A few more photos are here.

It is a little-known fact that the 27th of November marks the anniversary of the formation of the county of Lancashire. Well-known however, to one of our number, who organised a celebration of the event in the form of a domestic train-running night, complete with appropriate beers, videos and of course hot-pot. Further celebration took the form of a barrage of home munitions, fireworks in common parlance. These were launched by the lady of the house, with an expertise which left one thinking the huntin', fishin' and shootin' set was probably missing one of their more practised members.

A few photos are here.

Tonight we were due to have a visit by Geoscenics, but the proprietor was confined to his sickbed, so Peter stepped in at short notice with a picture show of many and various locomotives, going back twenty years and more. Our favourite was No.4472 Flying Scotsman, which received a resounding cheer from all but one of our number, who unaccountably has a severe dislike of this magnificent machine, so in need of our financial support to prevent it from finally falling apart.

Peter used a strange but wonderful mechanical contraption called a 'slide projector' to light up the wall with coloured images. This modern technology will never catch on...

The 2009 exhibition passed relatively peacefully, bedding in nicely at its new school venue. The modular layout had its first outing as a working display, complete with DMU shuttle that hardly ever fell off at either end, thanks to some robust but springy foam buffers.

The deputy chairman applies salt as weedkiller to the garden railway, postulating that chloride and chlorate are spelled similarly so they must work in the same way. The professional gardener looks on approvingly, whilst the chairman pointedly disowns them both.

Signs of rapid progress with Monsal Dale, as plans turn into reality with commendable speed. All those involved have, of course, been summarily expelled from the Armchair Section of the club.

For reasons which are not entirely clear to me, three months have flashed past since the last post. One of these could be explained by my absence on essential railway research in the Antipodes (unfortunately not funded by the taxpayer, unlike some of our honourable elected members of parliament), but where the other two have gone is a mystery.

To recap, Monsal Dale is under way, mainly due to the energy of its principal sponsor, and recently some real modelling was seen happening upstairs, in the long-overdue application of ballast to the fixed dual-gauge layout. Where this burst of activity continues remains to be seen, but betting large sums of money on it would probably be unwise. Also we have been offered first refusal on an N-gauge layout by the son of its former owner. A Prompt Decision will be required, which is not something our Society is known for.

The first Meeting of 2009, with a Capital M. So important, in fact, that the Deputy Chairman was empowered to take the chair and lay out The Vision for the Future. The Chairman was safely hidden away in Cumbria, on urgent domestic business. Apart from reinvigorated effort on the existing layouts, there would be a brand new N-gauge layout, based on Monsal Head Viaduct, near Matlock. There was a Cunning Plan to allow it to operate effectively both in the restricted space in the clubrooms and in the full glory of an unrestricted exhibition. It would fold magically in on itself, to protect its sensitive scenery from the harsh realities of doorways and walls. And it would only take three years to build, give or take a decade. Dazed by the breadth of scope of what we were to achieve (and there would be no thought of failure) we stumbled out into the clear cold air of a globally-cooled night, inspired and ready for the Task Ahead. Until next Tuesday, at least.

A new experience for SMRS, an Indian take-away taken in to the clubrooms for consumption by selected members.

No more on the exhibition, promise. Except to briefly record the debrief, which occupied two intensive hours of discussion this evening, with only a brief pause for tea and shortbread at half-time. Even Pebble contributed, by ensuring that any tea left to go cold in members’ cups during the heat of the debate, did not go to waste.

The hon. exhibition manager taking the ten minutes of relaxation permitted between completion of the current year’s exhibition and the start of next year’s. Only he had already started next year’s ten months ago. Sometimes I worry if we push him to hard. But only sometimes.






The short list of topics for discussion was uncomfortably long, almost three dozen, so a strict discipline of no more than two members talking at any one time was applied. The overall impression was of a resounding success, with the gamble of moving to new premises having paid off handsomely. A few learning points, but nothing too drastic, and we are in good shape for the coming year. And if that doesn’t tempt fate, nothing will.

Tidying up after an exhibition can be a bit of a chore, with the adrenalin all gone and a whole year yawning ahead in which to finish the model promised for the next one. However three days ago we combined business with pleasure, to return the barriers to our friends at Bolton MRC. Their clubrooms are in Gilnow Mill, an impressive renovated cotton mill in Halliwell. Also impressive was its security system, which was clearly designed to deter potential thieves, vandals and Southern Railway enthusiasts alike. And when I agreed to help unload, no-one told me there would be steps... Fortunately not only additional manpower appeared to lend assistance, but manual handling equipment, in the form of supersized DIY-store trolleys, materialised to help negotiate the barrier sections through a long corridor stretching back into the bowels of the building.

The barriers were soon skilfully stacked in a complex and no-doubt secret pattern, with only a muffled complaint that perhaps they had bred additional of their number whilst enjoying their brief seaside holiday. Tea and biscuits were produced and a guided tour of the premises and their layouts provided, showing evidence of both industry and innovation. SMRS usually only manages either one or the other. The beginnings of a deal to enhance next year’s Southport exhibition with at least one more layout started to coalesce. Mindful of our exhibition manager’s ability to continue such discussions more-or-less indefinitely, I made our excuses and we departed, grateful both for Bolton’s contribution to our cause and for at least a temporary respite in the autumnal rains while we drove back. Next month several of our number will return the compliment by pretending to be stewards at Bolton’s exhibition. And so the wheels go round...

‘All mission objectives accomplished at this time, Captain’. So might our exhibition manager have reported to the Chairman, if both weren’t so knackered after a hard weekend’s exhibitioning. Final figures are still being massaged by our treasurer, but we are well in the black, with credit lines which are neither toxic nor sub-prime. A full de-brief will wait awhile, as more urgent tasks are to hand, such as getting the borrowed barriers back to Bolton, and the hire van back to Ryder’s. Feedback is generally very positive on the venue and on the exhibition itself, whilst still leaving room for the continuous improvement which is characteristic of all progressive institutions nowadays. Banks definitely excepted. Amazing how quickly it all melts away at closing time, with exhibits and trading stands rapidly broken down and shipped out ready for the drive home and the challenge of a new Monday. A couple of hours and it’s all a memory. Will stop now before sentiment gets the upper hand. Some photos are here.

End of day one finds us well established at cruising altitude. The sun continues to shine, the Deputy Mayor and Mayoress of Sefton have honoured us with their presence, and first indications of the level of public support look hopeful. Official figures are not yet available, and in a new venue it is difficult to judge what is a good-sized crowd, but it looked fairly busy.



A few minor problems, like well-hidden toilets and cafe queues lengthened by the abolition of self-service refreshments for traders and exhibitors. Nothing a well-honed exhibition team couldn’t handle. One unexpected plea for help came via phone from a group of exhibitors whose hire car had had its radiator modified by a van reversing across a canal bridge at Halsall. A rescue car was despatched to recover one of their number to run their layout, whilst the others remained at the scene to negotiate a replacement vehicle, fill in a lot of forms and no doubt examine the small print of their insurance with more than usual interest.

The Saturday evening party at Jim & Fiona’s also went to form, with live steam in the garden preceding curry and cake, washed down with beverages served from a subterranean drinking den with a maritime motif. Guides were available to lead guests further into the extensive cellars, to discover not one but two Italian layouts. Also one which looked suspiciously Southern, located at the very end of the ball of string leading back to the safety of the beer cooler. Interesting to note that, in the interests of the environment, a beer-can crusher has been installed immediately above the green recycling bin. Apparently as the evening wears on the attempts to use it become increasingly inept.

If not lift-off quite yet, we have main engine ignition and thrust is building, at this time. It’s gone remarkably smoothly so far, with no major problems, and the late September sunshine this afternoon was a welcome bonus. The feeling of spaciousness is quite noticeable, both inside and outside, giving us flexibility as well as more room for displays. All of the exhibitors and traders seemed to have found the new venue; let’s hope the public do likewise tomorrow.

Four days to go, and counting. Our new, bigger and (almost certainly) better exhibition is about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting and probably undeserving public. New road signs have been made, a bigger and better van has been hired, extension leads counted and measured, and posters posted in all Arriva’s buses. And the website’s hits have reached the dizzy heights of fifty a day. Visitors from London are the most frequent, for reasons not immediately apparent.

A deal has been done with Bolton MRC to borrow their barriers, as ours were not suitable for the new venue and have been quietly disposed of to a recyclist of impeccable, if not particularly well-publicised, credentials. All-in-all a bit of a gamble, with extra expense needing to be recouped by a good flow of visitors, hopefully turning up at the new school rather than the old one. But we are quietly confident.

The exhibition manager is coping remarkably well with the extra stress of the new venue, due in no small measure to the careful ministrations of Pebble, his highly-trained and long-suffering therapy dog. One who is struggling to cope at the moment is our fellow-member Bill, in hospital after a stroke last week and rather poorly. We trust news of a triumphant and profitable exhibition will be just the thing to speed his recovery. And of course the odd miniature of quality malt smuggled in amongst the chocs and flowers.

A touching ceremony at the clubhouse yesterday, as another member was inducted into the Sixties Hall of Fame, reserved for those who have completed six decades of life and are confidently looking forward to at least several more. The event was marked with a presentation, of sorts, of a few small souvenirs of his recent gala event at Hesketh Bank.

Out of a sense of duty to the plane-loving public, and a driving need to publicise the exhibition by any possible means, we attend the Woodvale Rally each year. The railway tent is a mixed bag of models of all sorts and sizes, not necessarily a place to show off your best modelling efforts, particularly if it’s typical August weekend weather. This year it was reasonably sunny but also reasonably windy, and one thing an airfield doesn’t have is much in the way of windbreaks. However we braved not only the elements but also the beer tent, and a moderately good time was had by all. A rota system was enforced so that no-one had the privilege of attending both days, not without paying at least once, anyway.

Some photos are here. Sharp observers will notice two or three examples of the modular layouts currently under construction, in conditions of considerable secrecy by SMRS members, ready for a triumphant unveiling at the exhibition in October. If they ever get finished, that is.

Interesting little episode at the clubrooms tonight. Apparently a lady phoned the deputy chairman recently to say she occupied an identical house to ours in Duke St., the next road along the tracks towards Birkdale. A little further back from the permanent way (enough room even for a trampoline in the garden) but the same basic design. Perhaps a few years later in build. Tonight her daughter arrived to take some photos and be shown round the premises, which the d.c. did with his well-honed diplomacy skills turned up full. Best experienced from a distance.

Just once in a while, it’s good to get away from all the frantic modelling and hectic exhibitioning, and just play trains. And so a select group of six members booked themselves in to the West Lancashire Light Railway, to pamper themselves with the railway equivalent of a health spa. I say six, but the chairman, showing a woeful lack of leadership now that the committee elections are safely out of the way, backed out before even any steam was raised. Apparently an allegedly better offer had been received regarding corporate hospitality at the Open Golf, taking place barely a twelve-iron from the clubrooms. The fact that it was his spouse making the offer apparently made it non-refusable. All the more trains for us to play with, and he did pay the appropriate cancellation fee, restocking expenses and refreshment charge. Not to mention loss of deposit, and VAT.

The concept was delightfully simple, West Lancs provided the train complete with driver, fireman and guard. We watched and learned whilst steam was raised, and then pootled up and down their short length of track until our cup of pleasure overflowed. And there was no nonsense about healthy diets either; lunch was hotpot and apple pie, served with the unexpected luxury of separate plates.

Although the railway was closed to the public, to allow members to soak up the relaxing ambience without interruption from the busy world outside, inevitably one or two rolled in to the car park to see what we were up to. One such turned out to be an ex-member of the Society, in a time-span well before even our longest-serving members. He was promptly awarded day membership and permitted to join us for a ride.

By late afternoon we could take no more and reluctantly took our leave, grateful for a revitalising experience and for the fact that it wouldn’t be us who had to grovel under the loco to empty the ash-pan, or reach into a hot, dirty smokebox to clean out the tubes. Good company, too.

Some photos are here.

Just occasionally, the grown-up railways in this part of the world risk a glance sideways and realise that there is other railway life around them, and they wouldn’t catch anything too nasty if they outstretched a hand in its direction. And so it came to pass that we were invited by Merseyrail to participate in a community railway weekend. This involved marking the (near) completion of improvement works at Southport station, and the first-time-for-ages running of Preston to Ormskirk trains on a Sunday, courtesy of Northern Rail.

Binns was used in its established role of nostalgia-provoker and crowd-puller, at Southport station on the Saturday and at Ormskirk on the Sunday. Alongside it was our new set of display boards, advertising the club’s various doings. We also opened the clubhouse to visitors on the Saturday, as a reminder that Chapel St. was not the first station building to serve Southport, fancy new roof notwithstanding. One of our members also ‘did something’ at Meols Cop station, but to date has not reported exactly what. Use of a bulldozer to facilitate starting again would be my option.

And... we won a trophy! Best display out of all those at the various stations betwixt Southport and Wigan. Would have preferred ready cash, but never mind.

A boisterous electorate prepare to do battle

At last the day of reckoning arrives, as we all knew it would. The committee throw one last, desperate strategem by holding the meeting in the garden, hoping that the combination of noise from the adjacent Merseyrail operation and the evening chill would curtail the free and frank discussion that everyone was ready for. However democracy was not to be outdone, and the meeting was one of the longer AGMs in recent years.

And the content? The committee were voted in unopposed, everyone congratulated everyone else on a successful year and we got stuck in to the beer and sausage rolls, before repairing to the lounge for a showing of a video on the Darjeeling railway. Bit disappointing, really.



A worried committee considering last-minute ploys to save face and keep their careers intact.

Just once in a while, an event occurs which chimes with the inner soul of SMRS members - a reason for doing all that we do in the model railway field. The West Lancashire Light Railway Annual Teddy Bears Day is just that event. No less than ten members, at least three wives and a dog all attended in various capacities. Six layouts were exhibited and assorted books and soft toys sold for good causes, not all of them our own. The weather was initially hot enough for us to feel a little smug at being in the cool of the workshop, and latterly wet enough for us to feel a little smug at being in the dry of the workshop.

The audience at this type of event is a fairly uncritical one, the average age being well down in single figures. At long as it looks like a train and moves, it passes the test. Exhibitors can therefore show off their newest and most incomplete layouts knowing their reputation will only be enhanced by doing so. The only thing which didn't show us to advantage were the display boards, which are beginning to show their age, in both style and content. A little word in the hon. treasurer's ear perhaps, once the takings from the next exhibition are safely gathered in, and budgets are being prepared for next year. Investing for the future, as the chancellor might well describe it.

More photos are here.

Just returned from a day assisting with the deployment of Eastbank MRC's Binns at the Liverpool MRS exhibition. And yes the toothache has abated a little, thank you for asking.

Binns has a somewhat colourful history, having been built in the early 60's as a shop demonstrator for Gamages of Leeds, and ending up (via a short stay in an industrial skip) in the tender care of the Eastbank club. After restoration it has made an exhibit of itself at the Southport show and at the Frank Hornby Experience at Maghull parish hall and again at Liverpool cathedral (only the best venues for Binns).

And what has this to do with Southport MRS I hear you ask? Only that our member Alan is the driving force behind the Binns rescue, that's all.

A description and photos of the layout are here and some photos of it in action at Liverpool are here.

One of the harbingers of spring is Our Chairman exhorting his followers to Get Stuck In to some much-needed clubhouse maintenance. Last Saturday was the first of what are threatened to be many this year, weeding the garden, refitting the doors, adding new lights, etc., etc. One more unusual job was the renovation of an old brick outhouse, probably a coal store in past lives, hoarding fuel perhaps ill-gotten from the supply intended for the motive power of the time. Over the years it has acquired a false floor two or three feet deep, composed of assorted rubbish and vegetation in various states of decay. Much of this was energetically consigned to the spare land over the back fence, for the better growth of the weeds that annually try to swamp us from the rear.

The resultant clearance revealed a cosy nook that any self-respecting monk would seize on as a perfect hermit habitation. The enthusiastic way the Chairman handled spade and fork to gain access suggested he had other ideas; a punishment cell perhaps, for the better correction of members guilty of insubordination or otherwise speaking out of turn.

Shock, scandal and horror - the AGM, that eagerly-awaited opportunity to tell t'committee exactly what we think of them, before voting them all back in again, has been postponed. With only days to go, with all bribes, backhanders and favours collected and counted, the chairman and his deputy call it off. Some unconvincing pretext is offered about urgent unforeseen appointments elsewhere, but the membership is not fooled. Running scared they are, of a crushing defeat by the electorate, and desperately in need of more time to rig the results back in their favour.

Whether this unimaginative ploy will succeed only time will tell. In the meantime, an emergency chairman has been appointed to carry the club through the precarious interregnum before the AGM Mark II is held at the end of May. The choice of Pebble (the deputy chairman's dog) was both unanimous and popular, on the basis that being non-human he is not only incorruptible but also impartial - he is prepared to love anyone who will feed and/or stroke him.

Well different, anyway. The idea for a spring makeover was precipitated by the webmaster acquiring, at modest expense, the rights to use Rapidweaver web software on his whizzy, supercool Mac. Playing around with the templates was a temptation not to be resisted, and SMRS had just the website to try them out on. Much to his surprise it works, more or less. The manual is still being studied, so expect even more whizziness in the future.

To start off, a shock to match the best that Eastenders can manage. Well perhaps not quite, as we've not had a murder on our patch lately. A summons from Our Leader to an Extraordinary General Meeting, at a mere ten minutes notice. No time for speculation, perhaps deliberately so, although the facilities manager did manage to launch a rumour that the deputy chairman was about to announce his departure to the Congo, to fight for the rebels. Against whom, and in support of what, was not revealed.

The truth was almost as surprising. After more than twenty years of patronage, our use of Meols Cop school as our exhibition venue has come to an end. The departure was by mutual agreement, as all the best football clubs say nowadays. We had outgrown the facilities, and like a hermit crab with a cramped shell, we needed something bigger. 

In conditions of great secrecy, our committee had scouted round for alternatives, inspecting other schools that claimed to satisfy our stringent specification. Headmasters in plain clothes were interviewed at anonymous locations. Sports halls were measured with an industrial-strength tape measure. Catering facilities were examined with a long-handled spoon. Tender documents were scrutinised in triplicate. Finally a winner was announced, Birkdale Secondary, in the rather oddly-named Windy Harbour Road. Its main advantage was space, for more exhibits, more traders and more parking.

My immediate concern was - would our exhibition match up to the new upmarket location? Birkdale is allegedly the domicile of several Liverpool footballers - would we live in fear of rogue Everton supporters hurling abuse at our modest efforts? Time will tell, but for now we need to be bold, follow the brave advance of Our Leader and Embrace Change Enthusiastically.

Why create one blog when you can create five? Such was the logic of starting this one, after sleepertripper, 2008 sleepertrip, project 2010 and tranquillity baseboard. An everyday story of modelling folk, perhaps. The rest of the website describes the activities of the SMRS, wisely not going into much detail. This is the unwise bit.